Ass Man
by emication
Summary: At Quatre's 21st birthday party Heero misinterprets a question which puts out in the open the attraction between him and Duo.


+ Title: Ass Man  
+ Author: Vinyl Koneko (Emily), roguegirl@att.net  
+ Rating: PG-13  
+ Couplings: 1+2+1, 3x4, 5+Hooters girls *giggles*  
+ Warnings: EU, language, getting-together fic, sexual situations (but no lemon...note the PG-13 rating)  
+ Archive: Want it? Take it. Just give me credit, please.  
+ Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. If I did, would I be writing this?  
+ Comments: // Written //, *emphasis*, 'thought'. Inspired by a bad joke I came up with and decided to share with you all. Isn't that special? Feel the love here. This is my muses on overtime. LOL. About freaking time, I say! Hope you like it.

*~**~*

It was Quatre's twenty-first birthday, and as a joke amongst friends, Duo had managed to talk them all into going to Hooters for lunch. The American thought it would be particularly funny if the press caught on that the CEO of Winner Enterprises was lunching at the gaudy and completely unrefined restaurant. This was just for the five Gundam pilots - the following dinner being the one that was going to be swamped with papparazzi and lots of Winner sisters and their families.

Duo's ulterior motive, of course, was the hope that all of the scantily clad waitstaff would be able to distract him from Trowa and Quatre hanging all over each other - a constant reminder to Duo just how lonely he was. He had lived with Hilde for a little while after the war and then again after the whole Mariemaia ordeal, but that didn't work out too well. Hilde seemed to think Duo wanted more of a maid than a companion, taking care of the housework and the cooking to leave Duo sitting in the scrapyard trying to make models of Deathscythe out of broken shards of titanium.

Then one day Heero showed up at his door, saying Relena had thrown him out because he "had no direction" and needed to "take some time to find himself" before she would allow him to come back. This confused Heero to no end because he thought he was just *working* for her, but she seemed to think their relationship was more than professional.

At that point Duo said screw it, packed up his things, and found himself sharing an apartment on Earth with Heero, both of them working tactics for Preventers. Their job was to essentially sit at a desk in a leather chair with air conditioning and answer an extremely thorough lot of questions on specific circumstances. Like say Political Figure A was assasinated by his opponent, Political Figure B - who happened to be buying black market mobile suits in his campaign to take over all the small countries of the world to build his own nation and take over Earth and the colonies. Working in tactics meant that it was Heero and Duo's job to tell the higher ups exactly what would be done in that situation.

It got tedious at times, but it paid well and there was someone at their beck and call to bring coffee or Tylenol whenever necessary, so it wasn't too bad.

It was living with Heero that was driving Duo insane. The guy seemed to have no idea how incredible sexy he was, and the fact that Heero was comfortable walking from the shower down the hall - passed Duo's room - to his own bedroom completely naked left Duo spending many a nights trying to find ways to relieve the tension.

The waitress returned with their drinks, winking coyly at Duo. He shook his head, realizing he had zoned out and the girl must have thought he had been staring at her. Duo caught Wufei staring at the girl's retreating figure out of the corner of his eye, and he couldn't help but burst out laughing.

An ebony gaze was levelled in Duo's direction, indigation evident on his features. "Just because women are physically and emotionally stronger than men doesn't mean I can't admire their better properties."

"Sorry, Wufei," the longhaired man choked out among broken gasps of laughter. "You're one of the *last* people I would have expected that from. The last being Heero, of course." Duo immediately shut up at the lethal glare he received from the Japanese young man. 'Sheesh, can't even take a little joke. I haven't seen him this uptight since the war. Must be the atmosphere...too many people around...' Duo grabbed his straw, pointedly sipping at the cola he had ordered.

The waitress returned with their lunch. For some reason Quatre had *really* wanted chicken, and not just of couple pieces but the whole damned bird. Duo was certain that if any word leaked that the former-Gundam pilots were sitting around a table at Hooters eating a rotisserie chicken it would be the news of the century.

Trowa took it upon himself to begin carving the chicken, since this wasn't one of those restaurants that did it for you to give you more of a "home dining" feel. Duo hoped no real families had dinner at Hooters, or he could see a lot of small, traumatized children and psychiatrists all over the worl becoming extremely rich.

Duo went back to his soda, pretending it was the most interesting thing in the world while watching Heero out of the corner of his eye. Every few seconds the Japanese man would look over and Duo, and then quickly avert his attention to somewhere else. He caught Heero visibly tense as a blonde, leggy waitress walking by with a tray of drinks held precariously over her head winked at the former Wing pilot.

"Will you relax, Heero? They flirt with the customers because out of most *normal* guys it earns them a larger tip. Most of these girls are trying to work their way through college, you know."

"You have a preference, Yuy?" Wufei interrupted. 

"For what?" Heero practically snapped, voice thick with irritation. At this point Duo decided to start trying to balance his spoon on the tip of his finger, trying to get it to sit perfectly even the way they used to check the balance of swords in the days long ago.

"Um...you know... Legs, breasts..."

"I'm an ass man," Heero replied, looking pointedly at Duo. The braided American dropped his spoon both out of surprise from the response and the intensity of the gaze Heero focused on him.

After what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence, Quatre was the first to find his voice. "Heero? I think Wufei was talking about the chicken."

Heero's face turned a bright shade of red, and Duo was too stunned to comment.

*~**~*

The taxi ride back to Heero and Duo's apartment was another long, awkward silence, and the braided man felt like he would explode if he didn't press further on the subject. 'Surely Heero wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it, right? And he was staring right at *me*!'

They had to go back home to change for the evening party because Quatre's sisters had planned to be this big, formal thing so - of course - a more formal dress code was required to get in. Quatre had said he would have been happier with a smaller party, because this evening he wouldn't be able to spend with those he really wanted to be in. Quatre was going to be swamped by Winner Enterprise's OBK - Official Butt Kissers. This wasn't the sort of thing Duo enjoyed going to, but there was free food, an open bar, and Quatre was like a brother to him.

'But first,' Duo thought, 'I have to get rid of this big, ugly thing that's out in the open now between Heero and I.' He sighed dramatically. 'Because I damn well know that Heero won't say anything about it, even on the threat of his life.'

Duo stood in front of the door to Heero's bedroom, knocking lightly. "Hey, Heero? Are you ready?" Sharp ears picked up an affirmative grunt through the wooden surface. "Can I come in?" The hesitant yes was all the permission Duo needed as he opened the door.

Heero was standing near the wall, looking out the window at the rush hour traffic that was starting to take up the road. He turned to face Duo, and the braided man would have been lying if he said Heero didn't look stunning in his tuxedo. He couldn't think of any other word to describe Heero's appearance. The tuxedo was white with a dark blue vest and cummerbund to match his eyes. Heero's tuxedo was in the same style as Duo's, only where Heero's was white Duo's was black and instead of dark blue Duo wore a deep maroon.

"At lunch today..." Duo began, but Heero held up a hand, silencing the other man.

"It was a mistake - nothing more."

Duo frowned slightly, feeling disappointed. Before he had been attracted to Heero, and Duo became even more so during lunch when he had the hope that Heero could be attracted to him in return. He didn't care for Heero's excuse - Duo wasn't going to give up without a fight.

"I..." Duo began, swallowing his doubts and insecurities. "I am too."

Heero's gaze snapped to his, Prussian blue depths a swirl of mixed emotions. "Duo..."

"So I was just thinking that if, well, you wanted to we could see where this might take us and just stop if we don't think anything could come of it because I don't want to lose your friendship. I always cared for you, Heero, and more recently it's been in a more-than-friendship sort of way and today I just thought you might feel the same." Duo looked down at his feet, shoulders slightly hunched while he waited for Heero's response.

"After the war," Heero began carefully, "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't understand why. That's why I went to you after Relena sent me out. I figured I'd understand the reason once I saw you again. When we started to live together I realized it was because you treated me differently than everyone else. You treated me like I was human, not a Gundam pilot or a war hero. You..." Duo looked up to see the other man struggling to find the right words. "You looked for what was inside when everyone else settled for what was outside. You drive away the part of myself that I hate the most."

Duo found himself blinking tears out of his eyes. He had never expected such a heartfelt confession from Heero. "You ground me and give me hope. You keep my head on straight and make sure I don't do anything stupid. You've shown me that it is possible to change yourself, and that if the Perfect Soldier can life in a world without war, so can the God of Death."

The braided man hadn't realized he and Heero had bridged the gap between them, and Duo was looking downwards, his gaze locked with Heero's. Over the years all the former-pilots had grown taller, Duo's fondness of food causing him to become one of the taller of the group, only slightly shorter than Trowa.

Duo closed the space between them, holding Heero's face in his hands as he brushed his thumb over the other man's lips, grinning delightfully as the Japanese man shivered at the touch. "If you don't want to..." Duo began, but was interrupted when he suddenly found Heero's tongue invading his mouth, stroking every surface before tentatively rubbing Duo's tongue.

The longhaired American moaned as Heero overcame his shyness, boldly unbuttoning Duo's shirt to slip his hand in and tease a pert nipple. Duo's brain was on overload, not believing that he was standing in the middle of Heero's bedroom, completely making out with the beautiful man. He gingerly cracked open an eye to make sure it all wasn't a dream, only to catch a glimpse of the time. His eyes widened, and with a gasp for air he gently broke off the kiss.

"What's wrong?" Heero asked, panting and his eyes dark several shades darker.

"We got to be at Quatre's in half an hour. The way traffic is going we're going to be late and we'd promised we'd be there." At the disappointed look on Heero's face, Duo smiled slightly. "That doesn't mean we can't continue this later, though."

"Will you dance with me?" Heero's gaze was more demanding than questioning.

Duo placed a kiss on Heero's temple. "I'll even let you hold my hand and pinch my butt if you want." He winked. "Ass man."

Heero blushed and, Duo realized, he looked pretty cute with the pink tinting his face. "I'm never going to hear the end of that, am I?"

The American shook his head. "Definitely not. Think of it this way, though - at least something good came out of it. The jokes will never end, but you'll still have me."

"Hm," Heero agreed, "the price to pay to get what I want."

*~**~*

Owari


End file.
